Text Me
by Amethyst Light
Summary: One of these days she's going to have a conversation with him. Even if it has to resort to texting.


A/N: I shouldn't be allowed to write at 4 in the morning. Short and very cracky Lili/Dragunov because it's been a long time since I've graced this site with some capitalist/communist love. I hope you guys enjoy!

Disclaimer: Namco's money making cash cow. Not mine.

* * *

"It's all the rage!"

That's all he hears from her every time he stops by for the afternoon tea with Lili. He could go for a day without assorted biscuits and black teas but if he did hell would be royally raised. Dragunov would sit in his seat opposite from Lili's, idly tapping one of the flaky pastries against the fine china as the girl blabbed about some new hype.

First it was iPod shuffles the size of one's thumb. Who would want a device that could be snapped in half by just holding it? Not to mention it probably couldn't hold a lot of mind numbing music. Next it was some disgusting concoction of bacon and mayonnaise mixed together to make everything taste like bacon. The fact that it was an American product intrigued her more rather than the fact that it was a byproduct of eggs and vinegar artificially flavored with a bacon tasting substance. God knows why she even brought the latter up.

"You know one hype that won't go out of style anytime soon, Sergei?" Lili could hardly contain herself in her seat as she dug through her small clutch. She pulled out a small cellphone, decked out with pink and silver doodads because she just can't have a normal phone like the rest of society. She proceeded to showcase it to her Russian partner, displaying it in several angles and opening and closing it to flaunt the keyboard and second screen concealed inside.

"Now I know it's not new. No, not at all. But I thought we should be trendy like the rest of my friends! Even my father uses text! That shows you how cool texting is!" Sergei just stared at her with the same apathetic face like the day he first saw her. When he looked down on the table, he saw a cellphone be placed right next to his ladyfinger sandwiches. It was the same model as Lili's only it was decked out with white, blue and red trimmings in the pattern of his homeland's flag.

Talk about stereotypical. You don't see him giving her things that are white and red like her country's flag. Then again, those are her favorite colors (since putting those two colors makes pink, her favorite favorite color). He managed to shoot down his own point, making it the the third time this week of him to do so.

"It's already hooked up so you can text me any time. I would say 'call me' but everyone knows that Russia would become the world leader before Sergei Dragunov uttered a word that isn't 'Hmm'." Did she just mock his country's long life dream by saying such blasphemy?

He held the phone for a moment, puzzled with the device's complex formatting. Back in the Motherland he used nothing but a simple walkie-talkie. All it required was the press of a large red button, a firm command of 'Hmm.' and the result of yet another building exploding into a myriad of bits. Or was that the detonator? Both tools were the same to him.

"You'll get the hang of it." Lili said. "It took me only five minutes to know how the thing worked and the next thing I know, I managed to send twenty texts in less than ten minutes! And now that you have a phone as well, we can talk without you actually talking!" Lili began to have a whimsical look on her face as she imagined she and Sergei pounding away on the keyboards of their cellphones, sending message after message that ranged from simple hellos to little emoticons. Just the thought of seeing him have a slight smirk as he text flirted with her made her extra giddy inside. "I can't wait!"

The next few days were almost living hell for Dragunov. While he was at work all his pants pocket did was vibrate with new incoming message. A menial _"hey! how r u?"_ was sent every hour, followed by a "_i miss u! come 2 my house 4 din l8r_". And mind you this was at 5 in the morning when he received such messages. He usually replied with his signature _'hmm_.' (very surprising) or even a variation of the phrase – _'mmm_.'. And the fact that the phone was glittering didn't make it any less humiliating. His comrades would guffaw in their native language of how the White Angel of Death has a phone that looked like the Messiah dressed it up in glitter from above. Sergei prayed to God that no one should ever suffer from a sparkling Russian-flagged phone ever again.

When Dragunov didn't answer in a 20-minute time frame, all of Hades was unleashed. That was when his phone practically never stopped vibrating. One of his soldiers thought it was a vibrator at one point, chuckling his way back to the crew to tell them about their commander's new 'toy' that he pulled out frequently.

_'where r u?!?!' 'txt me back now!' 'dont ignore me!' 'answer now!' ':(" _

Those messages were the most frequently appearing in his inbox. He actually considered on throwing the infernal device to the ground and smashing it with his mighty foot of judgment, the metallic pieces slowly becoming one with the earth as he had a manic smirk as he done the deed. But there was also a sentimental attachment he had with the phone. The fact that she personally customized it and actually communicates with him was impressive. Whenever he wanted someone to talk he had to use torture and death threats. But she wanted to do to talk to him because she really enjoyed his company. Damn, thoughts like that made him so out of character. He sighed and flipped to the keyboard, typing a message before he received yet another one.

_'I'm fine. Sorry for not answering sooner. Been busy.'_

In less than a minute, a new message popped up.

_'thnx 4 answering! it means so much! ILU :)'_

'ILU?' He thought to himself. 'Oh God, please tell me that does not mean...it does.' Again, damn the thoughts that made him so out of character. He? Receive love? Through telecommunication? This sounds like a bad teen romance...except for they're both young adults. Well, more like she the young adult and he the old fart regular aged adult. That makes it even worse. Dragunov grumbled under his breath as he thought of a response to this text. Short, sweet and to the point was what texting is all about. And he got it. With a few clicks, he typed, reread and pressed send as he tried to convince himself that really did do what he just did.

_'...ILU2 Lili.'_

That was the first time Sergei Dragunov gave Emily 'Lili' Rochefort a sign of affection. Now if only he did it in person. Vocally. And in proper English.


End file.
